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"It's Okay to Be Single" Demeaning to Singles

A wave of new books has arrived on the scene purporting to extol the joys of singlehood. But, as some true proponents and practitioners of the joy of being single will tell you, they are really prescriptions for “riding out” an “unfortunate” and temporary situation until the right person comes along.

“You can always spot the worst offenders,” says Leslie Talbot, author of Singular Existence and founder of the popular website, www.singularexistence.com . “The covers are pink and have pictures of shoes, shopping bags, or fancy cocktails.  They profess to be about empowerment for people choosing to remain single.  But they’re really just self-help versions of Sex and the City – paying lip service to the ‘fabulousness’ of singlehood while tripping over themselves in a mad dash to the altar.” 

 

 

Talbot takes a mordantly funny look at society’s coercive insistence on coupling, and believes these “Permission-to-Be Alone” guides undermine single people and constrict their options even more. "The one thing these books have in common is a tendency to portray singlehood as a transient state to be tolerated or endured (Better Single Than Sorry) or as a weird, abnormal condition (Quirkyalone)."

"The overall message of 'it's okay to be single' is insulting and patronizing in and of itself.  With more people choosing to be single than ever before, maybe someone should be pondering whether it's 'okay' to be married," says Talbot.

Bella DePaulo agrees.  A visiting professor of social psychology at the University of California at Santa Barbara and the author of Singled Out, she prefers books that aren’t wolves in sheep’s clothing.  “In some books it’s immediately obvious from the title that you’re not about to get an empowering take on singlehood: The Surrendered Single, for example, or If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?   Singlehood is viewed as just a ‘waiting room’ where you mark time until the right person comes along. That’s not the reality of most people’s lives anymore.”  Americans now spend more years of their adult lives unmarried than married.  “Today it’s actually marriage that’s the transitional state.”

 

For Talbot and DePaulo, who are both intentionally single, a little consciousness-raising is a good thing.  And, while it’s reasonable to expect a few mixed messages when the subject is relationships, “bait and switch” is something else entirely.  And, like all other cads who pretend to be something they’re not, these kinds of poseurs deserve to be dumped.

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About Leslie Talbot
Leslie Talbot is the founder of www.singularexistence.com , a website that has gained a passionate following among singles everywhere and has been featured in the Boston Globe, the San Francisco Chronicle, and numerous radio and television talk shows.  A business writing consultant who has burned through more jobs than she cares to admit, Leslie works an ungodly number of hours each week because she is barren, childless, and completely unable to separate her professional accomplishments from her emotional self-worth.  In what little spare time she has, she enjoys watching television, playing with expensive hair-care products, and drinking large quantities of apple martinis.  Leslie hates shopping for anything other than home electronics, has not bought a pair of designer shoes since her last job interview, and lives in her own apartment in Boston with no intention of getting a roommate.